Elon Musk reveals Tesla Cyberbike

During his semi-regular weed-comedy podcast, Teslapreneur leaked a photo of an e-bike that could have been plucked from the movies Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid or 1985 North Korean dark sci-fi monster film Pulgasari. Depends on how vintage and obscure your cinema taste is.

‘Bikes have been the same for a very long time, that’s why we ahahaha eeeeeeehaaaaaaaa”, proclaimed Musk after another puff.

A courgette-shaped futuristic bike to be unveiled at a special event in Davis, California by throwing sledgehamsters, silver bullets and regulatory arbalests of SEC.

As all Tesla products, Cyberbike will be prohibitively expensive to most people and have a mile range slashed by subsequent software updates in attempts to justify the stock price and questionable unit economics.

To outperform competitors, motors will be half the size and twice the power while quieter and invisible, they will serve a freshly roasted coffee every morning, cure cancer and spread peace and love over the world - expect other forms of more aggressive false advertising.

A Tesla electric bicycle could include huge weight savings and not so huge budget savings and be easily foldable to fit into a trunk or the landfills of history.

E-bikes will get large efficiency improvements and better regenerative braking. Or maybe not. Only God knows. If you believe in him. Or her. Let’s be diverse and inclusive, shall we?

A Tesla electric bicycle could potentially be theft-proof, thanks to its close-to-zero resell value and painfully niche market appeal.

Cyberbikes will be charged through Tesla Superduperultramegachargers if you can find one before you run out of battery and regret your life decision-making skills.

A self-driving option will be available for those who want to kill themselves or want to kill time, like you just did reading this utter nonsense clickbait fake news pseudo satirical pile of words. 

Thank you and sorry.